catherine murphy

By Liam Deegan

Rumour has it that the government is about to introduce a free speech tax.! Yes, you read that right… a free speech tax.

So how will it be implemented? Well, it’s going to work like this:

1. Only billionaires can afford the tax therefore only they can do the talking.

2. Everyone else will have to pay trillions in legal fees when defending a case bought by billionaires or pay the tax upfront which means no citizen can afford to talk or speak their mind – Ever!

3. The government will only give a 99.9% free speech tax break to billionaires so that only they can do the talking but citizens who wish to use free speech must pay the tax in full.

4. The government has indicated that it will also give 99.9% discount in legal fees to billionaires who indicate that they will take on TD’s who have information that will bury not only said billionaires but also politicians as well.

5. Any citizen caught borrowing money from a bank to fund the tax will be imprisoned along with those who refuse to pay for a TV licence and those who get arrested for standing on water meters or protest against the system.

6. Billionaires can freely borrow the peoples money with no penalty and can pay it back on their own terms (if at all) but the citizens are not allowed to complain about it unless they pay the free speech tax in advance.

7. Finally, Billionaires (who are supposed to be tax exiles but really living here) will be allowed to interfere in how parliamentary speeches by TD’s who are investigating said billionaires are dealt with and end the practice of parliamentary privilege.

The humorous element of the above should be tinted with a dose of reality because if Denis O’Brien gets his way by having the Dail records wiped regarding Catherine Murphy’s investigations into Siteserv then you know that George Orwell’s 1984 story was written for Ireland in 2015 and we can be guaranteed that free speech will be a distant memory.